Raya oooo Raya *Sigh*

Firstly, thanks to all of you for the comments via the page as well 12 via my personal email on my previous piece. I really felt so good after writing that piece coz that goes to show that I am at peace with myself. Totally mind blowing. I guess sometimes dealing with it out loud does help and you know what, I have cane to a point where I do not remember anything about the lost friendship, just a name and a face. I have moved on and left that moronic phase away from my life, entirely. Alhamdullilah

To all my buddies and friends, thanks for your support and words of wisdom. It is really refreshing to know that you really have friends who actually care and that they genuinely feel for you. Zett you'll always be my best pal, buddy and mate no matter what. That will always stay and has never changed. You and me, match made in heaven. You're total coolness.

My dear Intan, you could never ever be my doormat. You are too precious and I love ya all to bits. Our friendship has stormed the weather and been through hell and back. The beauty of it all, it is still solid rock intense. Wouldn't trade you and the friendship for the whole. Iza, Era, Reen, Pet, Ray..my precious buddies. Hani, thanks for being a nice friend and I really appreciate the friedship. Love you a whole bunch babe!

Well, Raya is just around the corner. As you guys know, the tailor screwed up on my baju Raya. So we had to purchase one for Qyra which she chose on her own and she is so excited with her baju Raya. Last weekend, I was already going through my closet looking for clothes to wear that will match our 2008 Raya theme colour which is maroonish pinkish (aah, you'll see them when we post the picture soon). Then, to my surprise My Adlil was sweet enough to surprise me with a new Baju Raya, complete with our theme colour. Thanks honne, you're an angel.

Raya used to be an enjoyable time for me. The whole fuss about preparing for Raya was very much awaited. Mak would be busy in the kitchen making her yummy kuih raya while listening to Raya songs on the radio. Now its really not the same, it has somewhat lost its magic. Now, I look at Hari Raya in a whole different prespective. Hari Raya being a time where we celebrate our acheivements for completing the Ramadhan month.

I guess now look foward more to Ramadhan because I know during that time Ayah will be around, coming back home to be with us. Since 2001, Hari Raya especially at Mak's place has been quite sombre and solemn. In JB, we celebrate Raya on a very low note. It is not that we do not want to celebrate Raya like we use to but I guess that feeling has been buried together with 2001.

Yup 2001 was indeed a year that totally changed our lives around. Our beloved Ayah left us in a hasten manner that it was hard for us to accept it. I went on for months trying to accept the fact that he's gone for good. I still get teary eye when I talk about him and how he went away. To me, Ayah was the greatest dad anyone could ever have. He is totally awesome and I have always been quite close to him. He tolerates my crap most of time and gives in whenever he feels like it which is quite often. Even my closest friends think that he's so cool and tremendously great.

Ayah has always been the one providing us with anything that money can buy. He would never dissapoint us and he would always spoil us; my sisters and my mum. I am so grateful that Ayah had the chance to share his love with my first born, Alief. He use to spoil him rotten. He would always buy him designer clothes and if there was any kind of food that he seems to enjoy, he would buy a truck full of it. There was one period of time when Alief liked Pringles. You knwo what he did? He bought literally dozens of Pringles at one go that Alief came to a point that he didn't want to even want to take a second look at it anymore. When I commented that he was spoiling Alief too much by buying him expensive clothes and stuff, he looked at me and said - He is my grandson, I will buy him what I want, you don't question me ok. You buy him whatever you want and can afford but I'll buy him what he deserves. I really didn't understand what it meant at that time but now I did - Alief is his grandson and he deserves the best.

The image of the last time I laid my eyes on him at Pan Pacific KLIA is still very fresh in my mind. That million dollar look when I stepped in the room and saw him after being away performing his umrah. That peaceful look that I saw in him is priceless. If I knew that would be the last time I would ever see him again, I would never allow him to leave for home. Initially, I was in denial, I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. There's so much of what if in me that was unanswered and I guess that was why at that time I could not be at peace with the fact that he has passed on to a better place. I miss him a lot and I know he's looking after us. Ayah, we miss you terribly and I want you to know that you are the best Ayah anyone could ever dream of.

Then again, I think that it is not fair to the kids for me to be so sombre of Hari Raya. Now, my only motivation and drive to celebrate Raya are my munchkins. They are the reason to put up a happy brave show to celebrate Raya. They like any kids their age love Hari Raya; all dresssed up with their Baju Raya together with their collection bag to keep their duit raya. Every year we will order a bunch of fireworks from my B-I-L's friend. We get it really cheap so usually 2-3 days before raya especially when Nana comes back, we'll start blowing them away. The Harfy Bunch have even pre-planned what they wanted to do with the portion that they are allowed to keep. They know that half of it goes to their bank account. Kids nowadays are getting smarter and calculative by the minute don't you think so.

This year, we will be celebrating Hari Raya with Mak. She's gonna cook her delicious Rendang Campur, yumm yumm together with her ketupat pulut. It will just be us, Mackie and Mak. We will probably go for a holiday somewhere together with Mak and Mackie, but now our problem is that almost all the hotels of our selected destination is fully booked. We are still looking and hopefully we'll find a place to stay.

We'll be going back to Beranang probably on the 3rd of Hari Raya for the weekend. My inlaws place is usually busy with visitors on the 1st to the 2nd of Hari Raya. My B-I-L will be joining us there. He'll be celebrating Hari Raya over in Kelantan (his wife's side). My sister will be in Perak and Negeri Sembilan celebrating with her in - laws. We take turns you see so this year is her turn to celebrate with her in-laws.

We just realized too that we have not bought much kuih Raya. Now we are looking frantically for nice edible kuih Raya to buy. Hope that my quest towards that this weekend will be deemed successful.

Hari Raya is a good time to reflect and think of the people our lives. For those you who still have their parents with them, appreciate and love them as much as you can. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate them. Give them a big hug and thank them for all that they have done for us.

To all, I would like to take this oppurtunity to say to all my family and friends,

"Kami Menyusun Sepuluh Jari, Memohon Ampun dan Maaf, Zahir dan Batin". Salam Eid Mubarak to all of you. May you all have a wonderful and enjoyable Raya. May we always have peace and love between us..