Rise To The Occasion

Just finished cooking for Sahur. Just simple dishes je. I thank my lucky stars that my two heroes, My Adlil and Alief are such easy people to satisfy when it comes to food, very simple. Masak main2 hentam2 pun they'll appreciate it and eat, at least 2 plates, which gives me that wonderful feeling. Just today during buka, Alief said to me "Mama, your noodles are really nice, sedap" and that was just fried dried flat noodles. My mum also agrees that he is more adventurous to try new things when I cook. Because he doesn't do that when other people cook, not even my mum & M-I-L who cook way better than me. He is more appreciative when I cook for the family and that gives a huge sense of satisfaction.

Actually, I can cook quite well. It comes as a surprise to most people as they say I don't look like the type of chick that cooks. Even My Adlil (during our courting era) thought the same. He wasn't convinced that I was able to cook. Then, I invited him over at my bachelor pad during Uni Years and treated him for a meal. He loved what he ate and said it that he can actually propose to me at that moment, magical...hehhehehe. Hmm..I always say, "come over and let me cook for you, then you tell me whether I can cook or not". So far, the comments received are quite encouraging. I like to cook but I hate the 'mis en place' process and the cleaning after. Having a maid at least makes that easier but unfortunately I am not privilleged with that right now...sigh. However, I can't really bake cakes and all, no interest actually - Like to eat it though, but I do not mind pies, that I can and like to do.

Well, I think this entry is going to be quite lengthy as I am going to talk about the paradigm shifts in my life.

As you all know, we just got back from Beranang. Adlil wants to write about it so I'll leave it to him to do that. He is really busy with the setting up of his new office. Finished painting it and now the renovation works will take place. Tonight he'll be doing the wiring and some electrical stuff before some renovation work due tomorrow. Another thing is that Qyra and I are Baju Raya-less because the tailor screwed up big time on the measurement. She did it so big that practically the whole family can fit into it. I was beyond dissapointed that I couldn't "tiaw" her. So basically now we have to go and shop for baju Raya and the hard bit is that we need to find the same shade of this year's theme colour for the Harfy Bunch. The boys' Baju Melayu is all ready because all of theirs was done by M-I-L. Geram but what to do no choice but to go for the 2nd option, which is to purchase a new baju Raya for Me and Qyra. This year has been a very challenging Ramadhan with a lot of tests bestowed upon me but I am taking it positively, there's hikmah behind it.

I have been doing some serious soul - searching lately. About life, My Adlil, my career path, my family and friends. Sometimes, we tend to take for granted the things and people that are around us. This year has been a really really challenging year for me. All main aspects of my life had been given a test of endurance and loyalty. I learn to accept defeat and to take rejection with an open heart. At first I wasn't too receptive of rejection. I had too high of an expection of myself that when I do not acheive something or when things do not seem to go my way, I hit the ground really bad. I was such a control freak that I scare myself sometimes. Now I learn to let go. I learn not to try to grasp everything so tightly that when it slips, I go beserk and get all paranoid.

My career took a huge turn, I went from high and mighty to ground zero. I made the right choice to go on the road not taken and went through all sorts of 'adventures' and setbacks. Alhamdullilah, Allah showed me the way and now I am doing things that I really enjoy and the best bit is I have more time watching the kids grow. I guess I finally got my priority straight which has very much turned my life around. I learn to just settle for ok rather than constantly aiming for the very best all the time. Wanna know what? Ok is good.

As for friendship, I had a huge knock on my head that I was actually taken for a ride in this friendship that I embarked myself into three years back. I actually found out the hard way that I was just being used to a certain person's convenience or shall I say just like a door mat. For people who knows me, knows for a fact that I am friendly, outgoing, talkative and full of zest. I make friends easily and there was once my late Ayah told me-"I am not worried about you. I put you anywhere in the world, I know that you will be able to make friends in an instance and survive any given situations in life". Unfortunately, as for me I have failed to see that some people are constantly only coming to seek my friendship only to have that sense of belonging and sort of using me as a comforting blanket. I have always had trusting issues when it comes to trusting people with my ultimate friendship. I had so much bad experience with "user friendly" friends that I am more wary. Three years back I did that, I gave a person my loyalty, trust care and friendship. What I got back was ultimate betrayal. I guess my judgement was wrong. What I thought was true friendship was just a friendship of convenience.

The problem with me once I get that sync feeling with someone, I would welcome that someone to my entire world. I had to realize the really hard way that I was just a friend that gave people that sense of comfort and to always catch a friend before they fall. I guess when the need for all that is not needed anymore, you'd be taken for granted, just like a door mat - you need to wipe your feet when its wet and yucky but when you are all clean and dandy, you just walk pass witout noticing it. Sad but true. I really was miserable of the betrayal and went on for days crying, trying to find the answers to this mind-blogging mystery. Thank god Adlil was there to catch me before I fall flat on the ground. Now, I have moved on and left that dishearthening phase. Now, I don't think much of the lost friendship but instead I focus on the people who actually was there for me at that dark period of time.

As for my Adlil, I have to thank him for being there holding my hand, routing for me and believing in my capabilities more than I believed it myself. I know that I am very lucky to have Adlil as my soulmate as he is not just a husband, lover, a great father to my kids, best friend but also my number one fan who would always remind me what I am capable of doing. Sometimes as human being we take things and people we love for granted. I guess I do that too. Maybe I am too pre occupied with issues in my life that I do not take the time to just turn around to notice the things that is happening around me. This year, my relationship with Adlil has reached a mature level of understanding. We have grown more closer than we actually are when we learn to deal with issues rather than sweeping it under the carpet hoping that it will somehow not resurface. Trust me, it will and when it does, it gets shittier. To me, we do that it is not because we do not want to not deal with it but more of tolerating these issues. Even after 11 years of marriage, you will learn something new about your partner everytime. Adlil, thanks for always being there putting up with my shit and always believing in me.. You are just perfect, FOR ME!!

The kids taught me that sometimes you just need to pull the hand brake and not to be always on 5th gear because when you are going too fast, you do not notice or bother about the little things that are important, that you take for granted. The Kids taught me to slow down and enjoy the ride rather than slamming on the pedal, trying to get somewhere, but in actual fact, you are not going anywhere. Leaving the corporate world was indeed a blessing in disguise. People have asked me numerous time, why the sudden change of pace. I would always answer - Its my kids!! Now, I get to spend more time with them and I get to do a lot of things with them which I didn't before. I get to be a part of Ryan's growth and its amazing. I use to dread not having that constant adrenaline rush that I get from working but now I see all that as being redundant compared to what I am witnessing now with my bambinos.

Syukur Alhamdullilah, In 2008, I became wiser!!